On Friday I got a message on one of this blog’s social media profiles. I read the message, and I was disheartened to say the least. This person told me that if I prayed more diligently and believed more diligently in God’s ability to heal me of CP then I would be healed. I have my social media profiles set to where I have to accept messages, so that I can filter out messages that are mean or make me uncomfortable in any way. I did not accept the message request for this message because it made me entirely uncomfortable. Erasing the message was the best course of action for me.
I have been a follower of Jesus since I was very young. The God and Jesus that I know and serve love me just the way I am. Do I believe that God could heal me? Absolutely. I also know that I can make the world better through my experience of having CP. That is why I do this work and tell you all my story because I firmly believe in my ability to make the world better. How can I not when the best doctors in the world have told my parents and I over the years that I should not be here let alone do any of the things that I can do. Because of that fact, I knew from a very early age that I was being called upon to do more than simply exist.
Words, like the one in that message, no matter how lovingly delivered and how well-intentioned hurt me. It also does not help me continue to work on being okay with the parts of my condition that I do not like. Those words also do not help me live a more authentic faith every day because I find myself feeling sad and praying “God, I know you want me to share my story with the world and I am, but how do I make this not hurt?” I left that part with God in my prayers, but I knew it was important to talk about how I felt about those words.
My chosen siblings and I continue to work to get me to a place where I can love myself as much as God loves me exactly as I am. Situations like that message make the work more difficult. Those words serve as a good reminder as well. I just want to remind all of us, me included, that our words have weight and matter, and we must choose our words extremely carefully so we do not hurt others.