The other day one of my favorite authors, Glennon Doyle, said on social media that “being home because of the pandemic had made her have to face her dragons.” She invited us all to share our dragons with her and each other. I did. I told all of her Twitter followers that my dragon was my CP. In addition, my dragon is my body which is different because of my CP. The more I thought about what she said I thought about how to slay my own dragons during the time of Covid-19. If you have followed this blog a while: you know I call my CP my monster, sometimes. I changed her term dragon to monster for my own understanding.
Calling my CP my monster, at times, helps to distinguish between what it does and who I am. What do I mean? Well, overthinking is one of the things I do best many times. My brother/journey partner suggested the term monster so I wouldn’t overthink and feel guilty. For example: if my tone is too high on any given day and I have trouble moving as a result it’s not my fault. It’s the monster’s fault. It makes me no less worthy of good things. I just take a doctor prescribed muscle relaxer and get a good night’s sleep. I always feel better afterwards.
The more I thought about mastering the monster I realized the monster’s real power is in my overthinking head. When I overthink and get frustrated: I give the monster power it doesn’t deserve. Yes, my CP means I do every day tasks differently. However, they get done and having to do things differently doesn’t really mean anything at all. There are lots of ways to get things done. It doesn’t matter and I can start to let go of the lie that it does. It absurd the number of lies we believe about and tell ourselves.
My challenge to myself is to burn down every one of these lies. Glennon would call it being “untamed.” She’s right. I can be untamed and master the monster. From now on every time I hear or think a lie about my life and my journey to thrive with CP: I will take a deep breath and say to myself or others that’s not who I am. I won’t let the lies define me anymore. I know this will take time, but Covid-19 has given me the time.
I hope all of you will find hope and honesty in this blog, and this post particularly, that I am a work in progress. I have struggles just like everybody else. I hope this post gives you courage to start taming your own monsters. We all have them and we can overcome them. I’m cheering you all on in the mastering of your monsters. I will keep you updated on my progress to master mine.