Due to my type A personality, I am far more critical of myself than anybody else. My chosen brother and crazy/beautiful journey partner and I have been working on it together, in some form, since we were 15. A few months ago, I told him something must give. This is absurd. I feel like I am treading water every day. With everything that is happening in my life away from my work, I feel as if I am barely functioning let alone thriving right now. He said, “You have to give. You must give up punishing yourself. Let go. When you do, things will start to fall in place.” He was right, again.
Starting slowly, he and the rest of my chosen family reminded me life is not meant to be solitary. The burdens and challenges of life are meant to be shared. We are meant to have community and support…every, single, one of us. Together is more than just a word for my chosen family and me. It is the way life is best lived as far as we are concerned. Thinking I had to get through everything being strong, stoic, and saying I am fine knowing the truth was very different and a burden much too heavy to carry alone was jarring for me. God, Jesus, and my chosen family were patient seeing right through my tough exterior.
My chosen family sent me songs and Bible verses. They told me I was doing much better than I thought. They prayed with and for me. I was as honest as I could be. There were days I had no words just rivers of tears. God, Jesus, and my chosen family were good with that reality too. Some days I would cry angrily and speak from a really, raw, unfiltered, place. Turns out: God, Jesus, and my chosen family handled that brilliantly as well.
Last year taught me lots about: love, faith, grief, vulnerability, forgiveness, and a million more aspects of the human condition. Those lessons will stay with me for the rest of my life. I am better in every aspect for everything I went through throughout my life, but most especially last year and so far, this year. Becoming the person, I am meant to be feels better than good. It feels authentic and there is nothing better than that.