Why Thriving is so Important to and for Me

Cerebral palsy has been a conscious part of my everyday life since age four. For most of my life, I did not think about it or even talk about it…really. I was not ignoring my condition. Ignoring it is impossible. However, doing my best to thrive means doing my best to figure challenges, my condition, brings out.  Daily life is typical.  I do not want my condition to slow me down. Sometimes, the reality is it does. When it does: I get angry. Then, usually, I get mad at myself because I am a miracle. Literal miracles are not supposed to get angry. I know how blessed I am to be able to do all the stuff I can. Lots of cerebral palsy patients cannot. What it has taken me most of my life to get and be okay with admitting: some days are awful, and I am angry at having my condition.  Imagine knowing how your body is supposed to move, and your limbs will not cooperate with your wishes. That is my every day. I get frustrated and talk to my limbs, now and then. Sometimes, I fall and have twisted knees. I frequently have bruises, scratches, and scrapes I have no idea where came from.

When frustration overwhelms, I reach for my phone.  My chosen family is excellent at understanding me and making me sit in my emotions. We: talk it out, pray, laugh, and cry together. They help me to understand it is okay to feel it all. What I feel is okay. I am allowed to feel whatever I need to feel.  I am just not allowed to wallow or let my feelings take over my life. I felt guilty for feeling anything other than blessed and grateful for a long time. Why? Literal miracle over here. I am supposed to be a hashtag of blessed all the time. I feel that way, but there are all other emotions, too. Robin Roberts talks often about her mess being her message.

As I started blogging, I realized my mess was my message, too. God does not want or need an inauthentic version of me.  Nobody else who loves me needs or wants such a version of me, either. They just need me to keep doing my best to thrive. Everybody needs me to keep trying to figure out what thriving even means and looks like for me.  I also need to keep trying to thrive, every day going through everything, doing the work of figuring out what thriving means and what my best life looks like. My best, fullest, most extraordinary life is the endgame. Together, we will get there adjusting as needed to ensure it. Me not knowing what all of it looks like is typical for everybody not just for me, and such truth is comforting. Life is challenging and being an adult certainly is, but everybody who loves me makes thriving more than just a word or a perfect title for this blog; it is possible.