By Today has been a roller coaster of emotions. The time change does not help. Why are we required to endure this madness twice a year, again? I stretched out onto the floor and grabbed my phone. I sent some texts to a few of my chosen siblings to get much needed perspective. I was close to throwing things. Social media and the world we live in can be a trip. People think they have the right to know anything and everything. People think they have a right to judge the lives of everybody based on a post they did not even read all the way through. Then there are other cases where you wake up to find yourself unfriended by a person you thought would never would do so and for the life of you, you cannot figure out why. It would be fine if that was the end of it, but it is not.
You still share mutual friends with this person, and you can see when they comment on/tag mutual friends in posts. Normally, that stuff is no big deal, but when they splash all over social media how proud they are of so and so that you know and love, sometimes, the doubt creeps in: why are they not proud of me? No matter how much it does not matter is repeated as a mantra doubt shows up, sometimes. It is difficult to count it all joy in these moments. It is a challenge to stay focused on journey work because it is easy to get sucked into the black hole of drama that you guarantee you are over because you know where you belong. Truth is, it is a fight to let stuff go some days. It just is, but I never have to navigate any of how to do that alone.
Jesus made sure I do not. He made sure together is how I/we get to go through life. It is a huge blessing and comfort. Many may never understand me, but I know who does: those I get the privilege to call family. Those who do not have to love me but do anyway. They are always there, and they are proud of me. I am proud of me, too…so, so, proud. The difficult moments are when you take stock with yourself: What am I supposed to be doing? Is this it, or it something else? Do I love it? And if so, do I love it enough to fight through the tough stuff and keep working? For me, the answers to all these are resounding YES. Every time I get tired and discouraged those answers will still be the same. The truths and the positives I just got done listing/talking about is where the joy is. That is where it lies today and always will… every time I get discouraged. Every time I need to breathe, I just look up & over both shoulders. When I do: I see the One who holds my life and this crazy journey in His hands. When I look left & right: I see family, love, support, and encouragement. The rest does not matter. It is just part of life & together we’ll deal with it…ALWAYS. Thanks for reading, y’all.
