Earlier today I had what I call a moment of “behind panic.” These moments are triggered by something small. Behind panic is me worrying that my life is not going like everybody else’s. These moments are not conducive to thriving or anything remotely productive. I’ve had these moments, on and off, for years. How do I deal with them you ask? I don’t. We do. We is paramount to thriving. The minute I start trying to do life alone is where my overthinking begins. That overthinking leads to comparisons I don’t need to make.
The first time I had a blind panic moment: I freaked out. I didn’t know what I was feeling or how to deal with it. I reached out to my oldest female friend. We’ve been friends our whole lives because our mamas are friends. Now, she’s part of my chosen family and her mama is my chosen aunt. She asked me to tell her what triggered my panic. I did and she said, “Take a breath, Stace.” I did and she assured me she felt the same way, sometimes. You do? “Of course. We prioritize our education and furthering our career opportunities over marriage and a family right now. It’s not wrong and works for us. It’s important, to both of us that we’re finically stable when marriage and babies happen for us.” Our mamas did the opposite. “They did, and don’t regret it, but they raised to be strong, educated, women. You know that, Stace.” Yeah, I do, thank you. “Anytime.”
I retell that exchange because I need to be reminded, today, there is more than one way to go about achieving the full life all of us want. Just because life takes a detour or unexpected turn doesn’t mean life is over or won’t be full. It just means it is different than what we see in our mind’s eye. Different doesn’t mean bad or scary: it means, for me, not typical. I don’t want to be typical; because that means I don’t trust my Father to be the one who has my life and journey in His hands. I want to life a life bigger than I ever imagined based on faith. If I can remember that during moments of behind panic: for me that means I’m thriving despite all my challenges; and can enjoy where I am in my journey right at any given moment.