How I am Seen by God and See Myself

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This blog post has been on my heart for quite sometime. It just took me a while to get the courage to write it. Today is the day.

Here’s What I’m NOT:

  1. A mistake: God doesn’t make mistakes. I was made because God has a purpose and a plan for my life. God created everybody on this planet for the same reason. Jeremiah 29:11 is one of my life’s Bible verses.
  2. A bad Christian: I’m confused by this term. It also hurts my feelings when people use this term to refer to me. Yes, it’s happened many times. It continues to happen. If it hurts me: it has to hurt God, too. My confusion stems from why and who Jesus came for. He came for sinners because we couldn’t live the lives needed to satisfy God’s law. He came for the lost and broken. He came for me because I was lost and broken. Sometimes, I still feel lost and broken. Then God reminds me I’m not lost anymore. My mess and my brokenness is my message. God reminds me to just be myself as well because that’s who will get to help others. The minute we start pointing fingers and yelling at our fellow believers I know we do more harm than good. Love and compassion are the answers…ALWAYS. This song might just say what I did better than me. Mandisa “Bleed the Same” Featuring TobyMac and Kirk Franklin:
  3. Someone to pity: just don’t. I don’t need pity. I don’t want it. My life is not without challenges. However, it’s full and beautiful, too. The only limit to what my life can be, thanks to technological advances, is in my head. I don’t see limits. I see possibilities and opportunities. Y’all know I have hard days, but we all do. I try to take those hard days in stride and as a chance to be broken open, so I can reset and try again. I don’t always succeed, and sometimes, I need help. I’ve got that help, love, and support in spades.

Here’s what I am:

  1. A miracle: I’m not supposed to be alive. I’m not supposed to be able to speak or learn because of the parts of my brain that were damaged. All these didn’t turn out to happen. Being a literal miracle can be a pretty weighty, expectation laden position. I try not to let it be so. I can only take it one day at a time. I do get overwhelmed, easily, but I just breathe and do my best to deal with what’s in front of me on any given day.
  2. Tolerant and inclusive: I feel very strongly about being tolerant and inclusive of and to ALL people. It’s what I want others to extend to me. I know how it feels to not be extended these, which I feel are basic needed, qualities for thriving. When Jesus said, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” I take that commission very seriously and extend it to everyone Christian or not. It matters so much more than I can explain. When anyone says to me: “You’re not like any Christian I’ve ever met.” I do an internal happy dance because I’ve done my commission to love correctly in that moment. Maybe, just maybe, I’ve given that person hope and a lifeline to keep going , too. With the suicide rate rising: people need all the hope, help, and outstretched hands I and everybody else can provide.

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