This post is an answer to questions I get often. Do you fight with your chosen family? No. How is that possible? I think the second question is even more relevant in the circumstances we all find ourselves in right now. Chosen family by definition means we make the choice to be family because we share no connection through DNA. Given this: not every friend is part of my chosen family.
I have to know an individual really well, love, and respect them very much before they became part of my chosen family. Every member of my chosen family and I have been through tough stuff in life together. They’ve seen me cry. I don’t cry in front of most people. They’ve seen my temper and made me laugh until my lungs burn. These people know how to read my eyes when I don’t want to talk. My chosen family understands how I’m feeling by the playlist I’ve chosen or the song I sing when they ask me to do so. They know Stace and not Stacey. In other words: they see the real me without pretense or walls. Somehow, these people love me…even the parts of myself I don’t like. I’m so blessed by each of their presences in my life.
How is possible we don’t fight with each other? That’s an easy answer. We approach every interaction with mutual love and respect. If that’s the baseline always: the rest is easier. We disagree, sure, but it’s done as gently as possible. There are times we should disagree. When you ask?
While we’re trying to find a solution to a problem one of us is facing. I want as many perspectives and suggestions as I can get when a problem arises. Sometimes, the only solutions are to pray, listen, and hug. Other times: there are actual answers and practical solutions to problems. Sometimes, it’s just the fact that somebody had a bad week or day. Those are fun to help with because after listening to them talk it out: we turn up the music and dance…even thousands of miles apart. Sometimes, there might be some junk food involved, too.
Knowing that no matter what my chosen family has my back and loves me is incredibly important to my ability to thrive. Yeah, I’ll have tough times. It’s inevitable, even without CP, but knowing these amazing souls are just a call/text/FaceTime away makes the the tough times and screw ups just a battle scar or bump in the road. I wouldn’t want to know what my life would be like without my chosen family, and the crazy good part is: I never have to find out.