This is a companion post to “How and Why My Faith Underwent A Transformation.” Find that post here: https://thrivingwithcerebralpalsy.com/2019/12/01/how-and-why-my-faith-underwent-a-transformation/ The pandemic brought on anxiety for a lot of people. I was not exempt. Trying to hide my anxiety from those who know and love me best was exhausting. My internal tension made itself known after a while. For those who do not know: my internal tension is what happens when I try to handle life alone. My default is I can handle it all. Internal tension is my Father’s way of letting me know I need to ask for help from Him and my chosen family. When I asked for help, tension began to settle. I asked my Father to give me a more authentic faith.
Corona Virus brought an opportunity to explore my life and faith in a way I never had before. Sitting in my feelings is hard for me. Suddenly, I had lots of time, at home, to do just that. After I checked on everything blog related most mornings: I read. I read the Bible at www.biblegateway.com, and then I read strong female non-fiction authors I love. I will give y’all a list of books I love in a future blog post.
Here is what was reinforced through all the reading, prayer, and conversations during quarantine. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. That truth led me to another I already knew but needed reminding of. Every person on this planet is fearfully and wonderfully made, too. With that came other truths. There is not a person my Father does not love. He created all of us. No one is a mistake. Everybody has a purpose. Each person is valuable. Validity is not just for one person or group. All of humanity is valid.
Fitting in is draining. I tried for a while. Over and over, I tried. I am done trying to fit in a certain mold. World changers break molds, preconceived notions, and forge their own paths. My Father reminded me that is who I am. If I trust my Father/the crazy/beautiful journey and step out on faith, I will fulfill my purpose. Life will be satisfying as well. I will keep showing up for my brother/crazy/beautiful journey partner, too. The fear I will not have a good life is unfounded as long as I remember who I am. That fear is the biggest one wrestle with. I need to constantly lay it down, at the feet of my Father, when doubt creeps in as it undoubtedly will.
If you feel unseen, unloved, and not valued: it is a lie. You are both by me and my Father. I am available to listen anytime. An ally is what I am. It’s what I want people to give to me. If I want it given to me, I must give to others exactly what I want. A community where everybody is welcome is what I always wanted to create. Creating the community I wished, for growing up, is healing. Everybody, who reads my blog, is important to me. Every one of you is helping create the community I imagined. We are building it together. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.