Authors note thank you for your patience with me and the writing of this blog post. Since Thursday, life has been chaotic for my immediate family, and I. Everything is going to be fine. However, I needed to focus on family more than writing until today. Now onto the block post I had planned to write on Friday.
Letting go is difficult for me. My Type A personality loves control. It is just the truth. God knows that as do my chosen family. Letting go of control, for me, will always be a work in progress I suspect. It is good I have God’s grace and my chosen family to remind me letting go is where the crazy beautiful begins. Sometimes, letting go is a physical process. What do I mean? Several years ago, I looked around my apartment and was surrounded by stuff. It felt like I was swimming in stuff. To my highly organized, logical, self the amount of stuff bothered and was uncomfortable. The second I realized the amount of stuff I owned made me both uncomfortable and bothered: I texted my chosen brother and journey partner. I explained and asked for advice.
He asked what I knew. This is how many of our conversations, both ways, go. I need to have less stuff I said. I got a smiley face emoji as a response. I immediately started cleaning out my apartment. Stuff went into three piles: recycle, donate, and trash. I did this for weeks when I had time. Eventually, I felt settled and knew I had cleaned out enough. A few weeks ago, I woke up in the same situation feeling the same way. This time, I knew what to do. Cleaning out is cathartic. I feel a sense of accomplishment, too.
It feels like I am getting my life together. Please do not misunderstand me. My life is great. It just feels out of order and messy. By letting go of stuff I no longer need or want, it feels I am making room for what is most important and what comes next. In other words, I am walking by faith knowing God has big plans. For them to come to fruition I must let go of not just stuff but of beloved control. I must tell God, again, I am sorry. I keep trying to control my life. It is not mine. It is yours. I will do my best to do better. My intentions are good. I just lose my way. Please continue to use me as you see fit and I promise I will follow wherever you want me to go/do whatever you want me to do. I can see my angels laughing (in my mind’s eye) and God pointing at Kirk saying, “Her stubborn streak is yours.” Kirk laughs “That is my girl!” The scene I just described makes me smile and feel a little less guilty.
If you feel the need to let go of stuff in 2023: actual stuff, habits, preconceived notions, or anything else please do. Follow your instincts. I promise they will not lead you wrong no matter how scary or uncomfortable what they are telling you to do is. Please know I am right here with you letting go of things that no longer serve me or my purpose. We will do it together. Just like everything else important in life.