By I am in awe every single day, now. When I think about who I was as a kid and a teenager, I cannot imagine that version of me ever fathoming what we would grow up to become and who we would grow up to become. She couldn’t even imagine in her wildest imagination anything past what she was made to believe about herself. She had to dig to make it out of those years intact and she had lots of help. She was surrounded by love and I still am.
My life really started at 18, that version of me was idealistic and passionate about what she thought she would become. She was determined to leave her past scars behind. Laser focused understanding she had a calling unlike anything most people could understand. She had no time for parties (at least not in the sense of her peers) because she had a responsibility for the miracle of her life, and to give herself fully to everything Kirk told and asked of her. That made her weird…to her peers, which made her journey not always easy to navigate.
I have always known, ordinary was not a word that describes my life extraordinary is. Much was given to me graciously by God; therefore, much was expected of me. I have spent so much time putting more pressure on myself than most know…not to mention the pressure others put on me as well. Now, I know understand why everything has happened the way it did. It had to. To be extraordinary and change the world: I had and have to be forged in fire. I had to learn, grow, see, and experience. I had to make giant mistakes and tiny ones too. I still do, every day. I had to feel it all. I still do.
The only real difference, now, is I welcome my experience. My strengths, gifts, goals, weaknesses, and condition side effects and symptoms…even the ones I do not like. It feels good and profound to be here knowing and understanding. All of this is me being who I am destined to be. Just me stepping into my calling and with everything on display that makes me myself. That is an amazing feeling to feel, and more words will be needed than crazy/beautiful for what is to be. I am excited for what God has in mind that I know about and everything I cannot know and see, yet.
