When I started this blog: I quickly discovered the first post was the hardest, and afterwards the ideas started coming. They haven’t stopped. I hope they never do, and I have a good feeling they won’t. Every time I write a post: it gets easier to know how much I’m comfortable sharing with all of you and what I’m not comfortable sharing. I was afraid I wouldn’t know when my internal compass would say enough. I was also afraid that I’d be too afraid to be as honest and vulnerable as I know I need to be with all of you.
Thankfully, all of those fears are unfounded. If you read this blog regularly: you know how important Granny is to me. You also know that I have vivid dreams, sometimes. My brother/journey partner and I figured out we share this gift. We found out during the conversation where we discovered God intended us to be family. I’ve talked about this, at length, in a previous post.
When I had pneumonia in 2016: I had a difficult time healing. I’ve talked about that in a previous post as well. What you all don’t know is I got really discouraged and mad. The healing process was too slow for my liking. I had a to-do list a mile long, and my doctor was prescribing antibiotics, breathing treatments, and tests. Along with all of those he prescribed: plenty of rest and as much sleep as I could get with all the coughing. I’m not good at doing nothing. I find productivity satisfying. I feel lazy when I don’t cross stuff off my ever-present to-do list. I didn’t have a choice, but to follow doctor’s orders.
One night when I finally got to sleep: granny showed up in a dream. We had a long, much-needed on my part, conversation. She did what she does best: she gave me advice that got me focused, again. I didn’t entirely understand what she meant, and she wasn’t very helpful in clearing up my confusion. She said I’d figure it out…eventually. Eventually is now. God sent her as the vessel to help me get my steely determination back. It worked. I was determined to get well, so I could get back to my life and my half of the crazy/beautiful journey.
The part of our conversation I want to share with all of you is as follows: “Be brave, my girl. In the end: it will all be okay.” I asked what she wanted me to be brave about. “You’ll figure it out, eventually.” I call our conversation my “be brave” directive. I am slowly figuring out she means is do what scares me. That’s where the biggest rewards lie. This blog is a major part of her directive, and I hope she’s proud of me. Her directive, and making her proud, pushes me to do my best to thrive with my condition…daily