Self-love is difficult for everybody. It’s harder for me. I have balance like a toddler. My right hand is a half a hand at best. My limbs don’t do what I want them to a lot. I know what my limbs should do, but when they don’t I get frustrated. Tiredness is something I have to deal with as well. Sometimes, I see what I just mentioned as what defines me. When I go out often people see my chair first instead of me. It can be hard to swallow. I don’t love myself at these times. ‘
I never want to wallow long because that’s not productive. The first thing I remind myself in times like those I’ve mentioned is God doesn’t make mistakes. I’m fearfully and wonderfully made for such a time as this. I don’t believe CP is a punishment. I believe my CP as a way to show God’s light and love to everyone. My CP could make me question my faith, but it doesn’t. I know I’m a miracle, so I live everyday as one I wasn’t to have. This is not to say I don’t ask questions of my Father and get discouraged, sometimes. I do.
Christian…that word has a whole lot of baggage nowadays, it seems. People can run away from it, but it’s where I find my grounding. I want to be inclusive and an ally for anyone who feels marginalized. I believe it’s what God wants from me. Extending love and acceptance to others as God does helps me love myself. I think that’s why God allows us to love others because we can see how God loves us as we love others.