Today was difficult. There is a misconception that because my content is positive in nature, I never have difficult days. The truth is I have difficult days like everybody else. Why today was difficult is not important. What is Important you ask? Detailing how I got through it well. I cry easily, but I had not had a reason to cry in days. Today provided multiple reasons. Learning to let myself feel what I need to feel and express it in the healthiest way possible is an ongoing process.
My life experience taught me to lock down my emotions and my facial expressions at will. Locking down my emotions and facial expressions was a survival mechanism. I never wanted any bully to have the satisfaction of knowing they impacted me. Making me cry was the reaction they wanted, and sometimes, still want. My tears equaled their power. Once I realized, crying was the last reaction I wanted to give. I got incredibly good at shoving my feelings down and never seeming impacted. The truth is I was very impacted because I am extremely sensitive.
My chosen brother and journey partner tells me there is strength in my tears. He has been saying this for years. I finally believe him. As tears were running down my cheeks, behind my closed apartment door, grabbing my phone I texted a good bit of my chosen family, including him, for their perspective and support. As usual, they came through in spades. As I felt better: I decided to check something off my to-do list that required bravery. Pushing send I took a deep breath feeling more settled. Knowing I had made the right decision, I went about the rest of my day. The next time I looked at my phone it became even more apparent I had made the right decision. When I feel the need to be brave, I know that is God directing my next step(s).
My bravery today led to finding like-minded individuals who are kind. I am excited to foster these relationships, cheer each other on in achieving our dreams and goals. I know God, my chosen family, and my angels are never going anywhere. They are my foundation and my insides, but it is more than fine to take a chance and make new friends. I used to think making new friends was difficult being an introvert who does not like small talk. Turns out, now, that I am more comfortable being myself every day it is becoming easier all the time. I am becoming who I was born to be. I wrote this blog post to remind you all how important having support is in every aspect of your life. In addition, I want to encourage my fellow introverts, who do not like small talk, to take a chance whenever you feel you are being led to do so. Being brave might just change your life like it is changing mine.