The more I start to create a life built around intention I realize all the layers that make up an intentional life. The one I want to focus on today is letting go. Letting go can have a myriad of meanings, but I am referring to today is An internal one. I am focusing on letting go of stuff that was never my fault. For me, this is difficult. I am my own worst critic. Learning to let go of what was never my fault is paramount to my healing journey.
How do I let go of stuff that was never my fault you ask? The answer is complicated and complex. First, learning to feel what I need to and express it in a healthy way is crucial. In other words, stop shoving my feelings down just to keep peace or please someone else. Saying what I need to say is difficult, but I am learning. I struggle with being seen as disrespectful to somebody I love when I express my feelings. Learning the difference between standing up for myself and disrespect is a work in progress. I find that difference is easier to discern with more practice.
Forgiving myself is crucial as well. I can forgive everybody but me it seems, sometimes. I can ask for forgiveness as well easily. The last months of last year brought people into my life who elicited trauma responses in me. It took time to cut ties with those people, and understand what happened to me. I understand now, after beginning the process of unpacking what happened, I was repeating mistakes that became patterns. Seeing the patterns of behavior, in myself, allows me to put better boundaries in place so the pattern breaks. In addition, apologizing to myself and telling me I’ll do better from now on it’s freeing. I will never get the apology I need from the people I need them from so apologizing to myself means I can heal and move on. All of the ways I am learning to let go, that I have written about here, are part of my health and wellness journey. They are also some ways I care for myself.
I debated even writing this blog post, but I knew it would help others. It is not an easy one to write because I have to be honest and vulnerable in a way I am not comfortable with. I hope it helps many people who see themselves in my words. I also want to tell you, if I just described you, I understand. Healing is a process and we will get through it… together.