By For the last two weeks or so, I have not felt like myself. My last blog post was an expression of that. This one is as well. I woke up the other day feeling the need to get my life together. Now, to be clear, my life is not what most people would call not together. It is my internal tension working on me. My internal tension is God’s way of getting my attention. I am stubborn and, at times, cannot see the obvious about myself or my life. God uses my internal tension boiling over to get my attention. Sometimes, God uses my chosen siblings or circumstances to get my attention. In my current circumstances, it has been both my internal tension boiling over and circumstances to get me to be the best version of myself and get me where I need to go.
My friend’s sudden death last week was the circumstance God used to wake up most of my friends, some of my chosen family, and me. It has become clear that living the truest most beautiful life is all we should be doing our best to live every day. For me, what that looks like is opening up mot to the people that love me and all of you. I get quiet when I am processing. It is my default. I have been that way my entire life. Over the last two plus years, I have had plenty to process. Talking to the people who love me does help me feel less alone and internal tension as it always has and always will.
I decided to get back to myself last week. What do I mean by that? Who I am at my core. What does that look like, you ask. It means constantly surrounding myself with music, movies, and audio books, so that my creativity is constantly engaged. It is working. I have so many blog post ideas and other content ideas that I am back to updating both of my lists on my computer daily. Having my creativity back full force means I will be writing two blog posts a week from now on. Hopefully, that is a permanent development. It also means that I will be able to create two videos a day for this blog’s Instagram and to share on this blog’s Facebook when I feel led to do so. Living the most beautiful true life I can also means taking better care of myself in every way. That part of this journey is and always will be a work in progress. Thank you all for taking this journey with me and I am excited to share my progress and even more of my life with you all. Hopefully, reading about my journey or hearing me talk about it on video or both will help you all as well. Helping others is one of my purposes in this life, allowing me to leave the world better than I found it.
I can understand. I found a friend who had died. I broke in the door and found her. We were best of friends. I had been calling for two days with no answer went to check on her and it pretty much changed my life more dramatically than I expected. Grief is always hard especially with a friend.
I hope you’re taking care the best you can. You have often given me a better outlook.
Blessings to you and yours.
Thank you so much, Eric! We are all taking care of each other and we will continue to. I wish it didn’t take him being gone for us to take better care of each other, but it did. He’s not in pain anymore and he was and nobody knew. We wish we had. All we can do now is take care of each other better than we have been. We’re never too busy for our people…not really. We have to make time and we are and we will from now on. I appreciate you reading and I’m sorry for your loss. I’m holding space for you. ~Stacey