Yesterday was one of the toughest days I have had in a while. That is saying something. Everything, seemingly, that could go wrong went wrong. Yesterday had every single, typical, response from me: frustration, tears, feeling like I was not enough/doing enough, angry at myself for feeling like any of what happened yesterday was my fault, and on and on…Just when I feel like I am making progress on my journey to be my best self (health, wellness, self-care, wholeness) here I am again. Why does this keep happening I thought? Why can I not get myself and keep myself together better? I grouched.
I decided to buy myself a cup of hot coffee while running errands with mama. Hot coffee has always made my tone spikes more manageable. We prefer to conquer our lists at stores separately. That way, we can shop and browse to our hearts content. While in line for coffee, I overheard three fellow customers talking. They had a rough 2022 as well. I decided to join in the conversation. By the time we had our drinks, we were teary. The release felt good as did the comradery. I am an introvert, but I love genuine human interaction as well.
When I ordered my coffee: I also ordered a snack because I was very hungry. As I have mentioned before I do not eat when I am stressed. Yesterday was beyond stressful. I had just a few bites before we left to run errands. Again, the internal criticism monologue begin because I forgot to eat. Once I settled down at a table, with my coffee and snack, I remembered to take some deep breaths to center myself. Taking the first sip of coffee was a real pleasure not only because of the taste, flavor and aroma; but I was also alone in the café. The circumstance gave me a chance to relax, truly, for the first time all day.
After several glorious sips of coffee and two bites of my snack, everything in moderation, I was ready to finish my shopping list. Once I met up with mama, things got complicated again. However, the kindness of strangers made it so we were ready to go home in short order. On the way home, after ordering takeout, I found myself feeling extremely grateful to God for helping us get through the day as well as we had. I prayed a lot yesterday. Both through the difficult circumstances and in gratitude. It is my firm belief that both difficult circumstances and gratitude exist in tandem all the time.
After eating some of my take out (I ate the leftovers for dinner tonight), I was ready to do some work. After completing my work for the day, I was able to exercise and meditate as well. Both of those activities made me feel much better both physically and mentally. I realize difficult days are going to come and go (as is the nature of my condition and the ongoing challenges my immediate family and I still must walk through together). I wanted to share details about my day yesterday with you all to remind you of some stuff. Difficult days are going to come and go, in this life, no matter who you are or what your circumstances might be. When those days come, try to give yourself and those around you a lot of grace. None of us on this planet are perfect. Remembering that proves difficult sometimes, but we must keep trying so we (me included) can be our best selves.